Hey, Kids, You Rock!

When I started writing this blog, I wanted to have a goal a month.  But, it turned out to more challenging than I thought.  Mostly, because, I still don't feel like I've achieved my first goal.  I still raise my voice when I wish I wouldn't and I still get really frustrated when the kids leave their stuff around the house.  But, before I go beating myself up about it, I can also say that I still have moments when I say the perfect thing and when I calmly remind my forgetful darlings when I see their clothes being thrown on the floor.

Anyway, goals are good, but they can't be done by the month.  Not my goals, anyway.  My goals evolve and multiply.  You know, it's like I'm in mommy school!  I learn new skills as I go along and, hopefully, in the end, I'm really smart at mom stuff!

So, over the last couple of weeks, I've added a new goal.  I'm trying to compliment my children, catch them being good, or whatever you want to call it.  But, I'm trying to make sure that they know that I appreciate their personalities and their efforts.

The first night that I decided to do this, I thought that I would make it kind of formal.  When they were about to go to bed, I called their names and said something nice to each of them.  They just kind of looked at me and seemed to think it was kind of weird. haha.  So, now, I just try to notice the good things that they do and acknowledge them.

Hopefully, they notice.  Hopefully, it's helping.  Hopefully, I'll remember to keep it up!

And, hopefully, it's good enough to get me my mommy school diploma. :)

 

Perspective Can Be A Wonderful Thing

I'm sitting here in my recliner; not enjoying the head cold that my husband has passed on to me.   The kids don't mind the sick mommy because this translates into extra xbox time for them.  I would feel guiltier about my vegging plan if not for the fact that they love playing Minecraft and we spent time outside, yesterday, playing with water guns and getting way too wet. 

So, as I sit here, hoping that my medicine will work wonders, I'm thinking about my resolution to not raise my voice at my children.  It seems fitting since I don't have the strength to yell right now, anyway.  Anyway, I'd like to think that my patience level has improved. 

Once I realized that my frustration stemmed directly from the lack of organization in the house; I wanted to fix it!  I abandoned the treasure box idea that involved the kids constantly asking if they could get a treat from the treasure box and me sometimes having some available.  And, came up with some standard household rules.   I became obsessed with calling family meetings and making plans for a better, happier household. 

I typed up household rules and taped them to the walls.  I explained that they would go to bed 2 minutes early every time they left a plate/cup/etc in the living room.  They were really, really bad about this, by the way.  I explained what my expectations were in all areas and explained that they  would earn their allowance by following these rules.  I was so inspired!

It mostly worked.

Then, I did more research and taped more signs up!

Nothing worked quite as well as I wanted.  But, we were definitely making progress. :)

Then, one night, when I was feeling frustrated with Lizzie and Antwan.  When I wanted to abandon all my goals and plans and turn into a raging lunatic.  When I wanted to pretend like that would actually solve anything.  That one night, my teenager gave me perspective.

As I sat there, feeling frustrated by the state of affairs and that the house was a mess and that they weren't settling down and going to bed; Kaleb said this to me.

"The way I see it, Mommy; at least I'm not watching anyone get shot."

(This is the part where I explain that Kaleb did see this in his biological home and, at the time, the victim tried to convince him that it was just kool-aid.  No kid should ever have to see that.) 


I mulled on that for a few days.  Even though, I was aware, immediately, that it was a sad and big statement.  It took a few days for it to really sink in, for some reason.  And, this is what I realized when it did.  I realized that, yes, I really, really want a more organized house and I want more organized kids.  But, more than that, I want happy kids and, thankfully, I think I do. 

Yay for matching!



Proud of his headphones!



Showing off their cool pants!



If that means that I have to let some of the small stuff go to keep them that way, so be it. 


But, I worked too hard to type up my fancy rules, so they are totally staying! :)















 

 

Half-Way Through My Chill Month.

So, I vowed not to yell for the month of January and, the first night, Lizzie and Antwan played in their room until 11pm because I was patiently telling them that they needed to be quiet and go to bed.  haha.  By the next night when it was happening again, I came to the conclusion that there is a big difference between yelling/raising my voice with a purpose and emotional yelling.  So, my revised goal is no emotional yelling!  But, raising my voice so that I'll be taking seriously...I don't think I am ready to give that up. :)

I'm half way through the month and I've been working on being more patient and I think I'm doing pretty well.  My teenager even said so and toasted me at dinner with his Mountain Dew.  Teenagers don't dish out the compliments willy-nilly, so I'll take it!

Some moments are easier than others, of course.  When Kaleb, accidentally, knocked my picture that my parents had gotten my husband and I for Christmas off the wall and the frame broke in a couple of pieces, I wanted to lose it.  But, then I gave myself a quick time-out, took note of what the picture said, and got it together.  



When I woke up, yesterday, and Lizzie had, apparently, had an accident, and Antwan told me that it got on his Nintendo 2DS, but it was ok because he washed in the sink; I wanted to freak out.  But, the 2DS is, inexplicably, still working and,really, it's kind of funny, anyway.

Not too shabby for an emotional Pisces! ;)

Ok, on to next week! 

How's your month going? 

   

January is going to be happy.

Like any other mom, I get cranky.  I have all kinds of moments when I nail this mom thing and really do the right thing.  But, I hate those moments when I don't.  I hate the way that I feel when I do yell. 

After a challenging day on New Year's Eve, I went out to dinner with my husband.  I was stressed from the day, but I knew that the kids didn't really do anything wrong and I told him so.  It was just me.  As we leisurely ate our dinner, we talked about the kids and how great they really were.  And, when we talked about how fast it was all going, I started to cry.  I cried because it really is going so quickly and I feel it slipping through my fingers.  I don't want to spend any more of my time angry and frustrated.  I know that's basically impossible, but, hey, it's a cool goal, anyway.

I woke up the next morning, calm and determined.  Unfortunately, the day wasn't as peaceful as I hoped.  So, I'm just not counting it and asking the universe for a do-over.

Today, January 2nd, on my official first day of the new year, I read this really great blog post about a mom who vowed not to yell at her kids for 365 days.  She is from the orange rhino and she is a very brave woman.  http://theorangerhino.com/about-the-orange-rhino/  I saw it on the Huffington Post and then followed it to her actual blog.


Here is an excerpt.... 

"It all started Friday, January 20, 2012. After our handyman busted me yelling at my 4 boys, I had an epiphany; I yell at my kids much more than I like. The next day I committed to going 365 days without yelling.  And to boot, I decided to keep a public blog to help keep me on task. A few days later, my 5 year old was yelling at me for something I did wrong, again. I calmly said, “Now, if mommy can’t yell what does that mean for you?” Finger in nose, he looked me right in the eyes and replied: “I can’t yell…but I can still pick my nose!”
Awesome. Purely awesome.  My son’s response was honest and witty, exactly the tone I hope to embrace in this blog. It was the perfect byline I had been searching for all week.  With the by-line done, the rest fell right into place. I have decided, at least for now, to be anonymous to protect my children’s privacy. So I needed a moniker."I typed “nose” into Google and “Rhino” popped up as the Greek meaning. I could be a Rhino. Rhinos are strong and cool, right? This was promising. Further research about Rhinos confirmed that I was already, indeed, a Rhino.

Rhinos are tenacious and vigorous animals who are naturally peaceful, but display aggressive behavior when provoked.

Wow. That’s me alright, minus the vigorous piece. I definitely don’t have the mental strength or energy. If I did, I wouldn’t let myself charge with my “words” so frequently!  I am totally a Rhino. But I don’t want to be aggressive; I want to lose that and gain the vigorous part. I need more warmth and energy. Clearly, I need a little more of the color Orange in my life especially since it also conjures up feelings of determination which I am most definitely going to need more of in order to conquer this challenge.

So there you have it. I want to be The Orange Rhino."


Two great things happened when I read her posts.  First, I felt less alone when I realized that it's not just me who loses my cool.  And, second, I felt inspired to stop losing my cool.

Like I said, I spent most of New Years' Eve feeling grumpy and the negative energy carried over to part of New Years' Day.  Yeah, I just don't want to do it, anymore. 

So, I've decided to take the challenge with some adjustments.  I'm going to start with a month because, to be honest, 365 days is a really, really long time to not mess up.  And, I'll have to come up with some fancy me-like name for my project.  But, not today. ;)

Today, I resolve not to yell/snap/speak gruffly (whatever you want to call it) during the month of January.  I resolve not to be overly negative and to spread positive energy, in general.  I won't raise my voice at my kids or my husband; no matter how tempted I might be.  I give myself a pass if someone or something is on fire, though, especially me. ;)  I also will allow myself to raise my voice if that's literally the only way that I can be heard.  Four kids in one room can be noisy!   

Then, after I have achieved this goal (hopefully!), I'm going to add another one, next month.  And, so on.  I figure, by the end of the year, I'm going to be a pretty amazing person, haha. 
 

Here we go!